so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize