Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
