haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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