party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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