Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
