i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
