i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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