3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
