I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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