I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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