i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
