I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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