I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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