now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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