I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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