we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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