I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
