Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize