Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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