By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
