i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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