A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
