Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
