i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
