wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
