The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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