I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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