No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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