Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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