You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
