I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
