Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
