Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
