a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
