I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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