You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
