i already hear my dad disowning me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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