Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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