remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
