I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Terrible idea I love it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
