i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i've created a new STD.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
