i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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