I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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