Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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