i was born a porn star she said
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
