Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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