2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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