Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
