I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
