Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize