The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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