well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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