bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
soo... how was my night?
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