I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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