Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
