I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
