3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
