I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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