Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
