Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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