the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize