Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he fucked my hip out of place.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
