You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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