On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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