what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
